Bitterness & Forgiveness

“I have a friend is really struggling with bitterness. She is extremely faithful, but recently she and her husband have been dealing with a lot of hurtfulness from others and are being pulled through the wringer publicly. She is praying for God to soften her heart and remove the bitterness; to try to find forgiveness and focus on the truth.”—Wendy B.

Bitterness is a killer of souls. Once it takes root in a person’s soul, it consumes them. Christ could have been bitter. He was misaligned and misunderstood. His apostles deserted Him and His family did not believe in Him. He was put into an unjust trial, a kangaroo court on trumped up charges that could not have been proven, but He persevered. As Hebrews 12 says,

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.”—Hebrews 12:1-3 (ESV)

He considered the joy set before Him. God the Father offered fullness of joy at His right hand for Christ. He knew that His death would reconcile sinners to God.

“And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”—Ephesians 4:30-32 (ESV)

Or,

“Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no 'root of bitterness' springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled; that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal.”—Hebrews 12:14-16 (ESV)

Bitterness comes from unforgiveness. When others hurt or misalign us, we get angry, then we hold on to that anger, and it becomes bitterness. And in doing so, we are opening ourselves to Satanic influence in our lives.

Ephesians 4:25-27,

“Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.”—Ephesians 4:25-27 (ESV)

The point here is that anger, or “letting the sun go down on our anger” is not letting it go. Letting it take root in our lives. We do not forgive the person for what they have done to us, we harbor it and nourish it. We feel we are entitled to it. We say, “They did it to me and I am justified in feeling this way.” Yes, one is justified in feeling pain. But, bitterness and unforgiving does nothing to the person who wronged them, it only keeps them in prison. Forgiveness, even in the most dire circumstances (think about what Christ Jesus has forgiven us from), is giving up one’s right at retribution. It is a giving it over to the Lord. “Forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”—Ephesians 4:32 (ESV)